Psychiatric test for an optimist:
Psychiatrist:
-Your grandpa has died.
Optimist:
-I have another one.
-You’re late to the funeral.
-I’ll get into the car & speed.
-No, you’re scared of driving.
-I’ll have a bottle of vodka for courage.
-There! And a cop stops you in a drunken state.
-I’ll make a deal with him.
-You won’t, it’s a woman.
-I’ll make a move.
-But she is hideous.
-But at this stage I am already drunk!!!!!!

A jeep stops next to a prostitute, the window is lowered & smb’s voice says:
-Can you do it for 100 bucks?
-Absolutely anything.
-Then get in, you’ll help to pour concrete.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwtOSOEL9rE
Elmo

“Sometimes one must regret that your friend had not been a great big pig,” said Winnie the Pooh, cooking Piglet in a large fire.
“One head is good, but two are even better,” thought the dragon, after having its head chopped off by the hero.
Scientists have established, that in show business money is transferred via sexual intercourse.
Pic: prostitute